Well, I'm not in school currently thanks to my lovely meds deciding not to be effective. My doctor is recommending me to an in-patient program to take me off all my meds, get a baseline diagnosis of existing and new problems, and med me back up properly. They'll also help me set up stuff for after I get out, so I might not be living at home much longer, among other possible changes. In the mean time I've had to do a medical withdrawal from all my courses this semester, and I am no longer living on campus.

Its so frustrating when you know something and cant prove it on a dumb test. In one of my classes the student who got the highest grades on the exams came to me for help on homework (I don't know how much help I was, but still). In another class the other students didn't think I would be interested in the study group they had formed, because I already understood the material. I failed both those tests, of course, much to the frustration of my teachers to whom I had also already demonstrated competence with the material. So why did I fail? Because the stress of being tested on material I had just learned made it nearly impossible to do *anything*, let alone do strenuous mental exercises. I have meds to deal with anxiety, but they obviously aren't working. Also my sleeping medication, trazodone, has recently been increased as it had become ineffective, but now its TOO effective; it makes me sleep from ~10:00PM to ~6:00PM. That didn't leave much time for tests, which were mostly take-home, or homework.

In other news I have been accepted for SSI income. I don't feel particularly good about it, but at least I'll have income that can withstand my mental deficiencies, and frequent need for medication adjustment. I was so nervous at the hearing today, and I was on a full dose of trazodone, AND I forgot to take my other medication, that I was a complete wreck. I was unable to remember my address without, and birth date without looking at my driver's license.

I spent the rest of the nervous energy building a small network so that I could have Internet in my room. Yay!

New Project: atomic electron cloud mapper using the variational monte carlo method to approximate wavefunctions with multi-bodied hamiltonians. Just something simple, hartree-fock and metropolis-hastings with little other optimization (I had a lot of fun in quantum mechanics class). The graphics are going to be the hardest part. I'd like to colaborate with someone on them, but I want it to run on an old SGI, so yeah...